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- Welcome Back to Morass


- Obama warns of America's debt default risk, 80% of Atlanta schools cheated on state standardized tests, and Ashton Kutcher tweets outrage over the Casey Anthony verdict.
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- Dancing on the Ceiling


- The Republicans' refusal to accept any tax increases to help America out of debt is like a doctor believing strictly in magic to cure a patient.
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- Dancing on the Ceiling - Tax Cut Religion


- Unlike liberal elitist job evolutionists, Republicans believe in job creationism as part of their conservative tax cut religion.
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- Field of Dongs


- Michele Bachmann gains traction in Iowa even though Marcus Bachmann is an Izod shirt away from being the gay character on "Modern Family."
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- Comedy Repression Therapy


- Jerry Seinfeld uses repression therapy to cure Jon's urge to make gay jokes about Marcus Bachmann.
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- National French Fry Day


- With obesity rates climbing rapidly, Americans must mend their double down ways before they can't locate their genitals.
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- Men of a Certain Rage


- If Obama and congressional Republicans don't settle their heated argument by raising the debt ceiling, man will be sentenced to an eternity of licking his own pets' genitals.
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- Armadebtdon 2011 - Men of a Certain Rage


- Republicans abdicate the "doing s**t" part of debt ceiling responsibility to Obama, but retain the "complaining about the guy doing s**t" part for themselves.
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- Armadebtdon 2011 - No Visible Progress


- The Republicans' lack of progress on Barack Obama's debt ceiling resolution deadline smackdown causes Sheila Jackson-Lee to read between the lines.
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- Armadebtdon 2011 - Republicans Think Obama Is Obsessed


- Rather than negotiating on the debt crisis, Republicans accuse Barack Obama of being obsessed with taxing "job creators," formerly known as "rich people."
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- Horrible Bosses


- Scotland Yard doesn't consider the death of the News of the World whistleblower suspicious, and Rupert Murdoch and his son appear before Parliament.
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- Horrible Bosses - Fox News Won't Dumpster Dive


- Instead of wasting its time with the epic scandal consuming Britain's journalistic establishment, Fox News investigates whether NPR is an agent of jihadist inquisition.
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- Accountability in the U.K.


- The bus to Piccadilly Circus is a rough ride as the freshly-strewn News Corp. employees hastily jettisoned by Rupert Murdoch line the streets of London.
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- Accountability in the U.K. - Rupert Murdoch's Crime-Fighting Wife


- Rupert Murdoch's wife, Wendi Deng, captivates the U.K. with her Ultimate Fighting skills and her clear displeasure with those who question her husband.
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- Accountability in the U.K. - David Cameron Kills it


- America's government should start drinking motherf**king tea and eating motherf**king finger sandwiches to be as awesome as England's government.
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- U.S. Women's World Cup Soccer Team


- Jon admires one of the greatest goals in World Cup history and goes on location in New York City to play soccer with the U.S. women's national soccer team.
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- Indecision 2012 - Survival of the Funded


- In the herd of Republican candidates, Rick Santorum is a wounded wildebeest, and Newt Gingrich is a spawning salmon.
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- Indecision 2012 - Survival of the Funded - King of the Jungle


- Tim Pawlenty opposes charisma, Herman Cain misunderstands the Constitution, and Michele Bachmann battles migraines, so Mitt Romney emerges as the GOP's thick-maned Aslan.
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- Statements of Clarification That Probably Won't Do You Any Good


- Magical amulet-wearing congresswomen join forces against Congressman Allen West for his sexist remarks to Representative Debbie Wasserman Shultz.
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- Extreme Weather Hotportunity


- TV weather people take advantage of the extreme weather hotportunity by cooking on dashboards and city sidewalks.
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- Extreme Weather Hotportunity - Egg Salad Sandwich


- Wyatt Cenac goes on location in New York City to report on the sandwich-warming and milk-curdling weather.
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- Armadebtdon 2011 - Nonfiction Captain America


- When it comes to resolving the debt ceiling crisis, Congress is the equivalent of a skunk with its head in a jar of Skippy peanut butter.
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- Armadebtdon 2011 - Call Congress


- Barack Obama addresses the grotesque income and wealth disparity, that has metastasized through fealty to corporate overlords, by urging Americans to call Congress.
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- Armadebtdon 2011 - Rightans


- John Boehner reveals the Republican plan to destroy government and create a super-race of right-wing Titans.
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- CNN Anchor Don Lemon Appears Not to Care for CNN


- Anchorman Don Lemon's half-hearted last-minute effort to feign that he cares about CNN's antics is a call for help.
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- In the Name of the Fodder


- The Fox News rapid-response team distinguishes violence in the name of a religion from the practitioners of that religion -- as long as it's Christianity.
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- GOP - Special Victims Unit


- Conservative pundits hate it when liberals play the victim card because it distracts from the real victims: conservatives.
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- Twitter Pundits


- News organizations turn to random Twitter account holders instead of vetting facts with proper journalistic integrity and authority.
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- Republicans Watch "The Town"


- House Republicans use a clip from "The Town" to urge hardline Tea Party freshman to support John Boehner's debt ceiling plan.
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- Dodd-Frank Update


- The Dodd-Frank Wall Street Reform & Consumer Protection Act sings about having its ass f**ked raw for a year.
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- I Thought We Already Took Care of This S@#t


- The 9/11 Health Care Bill for Ground Zero first responders covers coughing, laryngitis, and carpal tunnel syndrome -- but not cancer.
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