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-
- The Word - Swift Payment
- Poor people who sell their reproduction rights won't know the joy of raising a child, but they'll be able to buy a 52-inch flat screen.
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- The Word - Swift Payment
-
- The Word - Unrequited Gov
- Maybe the Republicans will love President Obama if he repeals the estate tax, increases defense spending and privatizes Social Security.
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- The Word - Unrequited Gov
-
- The Word - The Great White Wail
- The Pigford claims prove that there's money in being a victim, and when something is valuable, white men get to take it.
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- The Word - The Great White Wail
-
- The Word - Nothingness
- In the unity of the free market, we are all just different parts of the same billionaire.
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- The Word - Nothingness
-
- The Word - Invisible Inc.
- Americans should buy nameless products from anonymous corporations who then give untraceable money to faceless congressmen to pass unknowable laws.
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- The Word - Invisible Inc.
-
- The Word - Midterm Erection
- A large number of lady politicians say it's time that America ditches the ballot box in favor of the measuring stick.
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- The Word - Midterm Erection
-
- The Word - It's a Small-Minded World
- Disney has no choice but to assign a Muslim intern to a secluded stockroom after she refuses to remove her hijab.
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- The Word - It's a Small-Minded World
-
- The Word - Original Spin
- A good Supreme Court justice is a Constitutional scholar first and a time traveling mind reader second.
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- The Word - Original Spin
-
- The Word - Army of Mum
- Being forced to lead a double life for years has given gay soldiers the perfect training for top-secret military missions.
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- The Word - Army of Mum
-
- The Word - The More You No
- Schools should require permission slips before our children are allowed to learn anything we disagree with.
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- The Word - The More You No
-
- The Word - Mutually Assured Coercion
- Whether Americans burn the Koran or build the mosque at Ground Zero, the Islamic world will attack.
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- The Word - Mutually Assured Coercion
-
- The Word - Control-Self-Delete
- Surgically altering your appearance and getting rid of old friends will make you the ideal job candidate.
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- The Word - Control-Self-Delete
-
- The Word - Losing His Religion
- President Obama must prove he's Christian by Twittering from the church pew and carrying a Bible everywhere.
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- The Word - Losing His Religion
-
- The Word - What If You Threw a Peace and Nobody Came?
- President Obama's announcement of the impending conclusion of the Iraq War isn't a declaration of victory -- it's a pizza delivery slogan.
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- The Word - What If You Threw a Peace and Nobody Came?
-
- The Word - Borderline Personality
- It's impossible for America's border patrol to cover hundreds of miles of Arizona desert, but it'd be easy from the Mexican side.
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- The Word - Borderline Personality
-
- The Word - Weapon of Mass Construction
- If Muslims really need to get together, they can meet at a camp or a compound out in the wilderness.
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- The Word - Weapon of Mass Construction
-
- The Word - Ownership Society
- Stephen's refreshing tax cut with lime will work its way through the system and trickle down like a racehorse.
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- The Word - Ownership Society
-
- The Word - The White Stuff
- For the last two years, Stephen has been hosting a Chinese show called "The Best Lucky Number Joy Time Fun Colbert Hour and Friends."
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- The Word - The White Stuff
-
- The Word - Who War It Best?
- General Petraeus must keep America interested in the Afghan war with a cave-side mansion, 10 bachelorettes and Lieutenant Colonel "The Situation."
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- The Word - Who War It Best?
-
- The Word - $tay the Cour$e
- Afghanistan is like a slot machine that America has been warming up for nine years, and it's about to pay off.
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- The Word - $tay the Cour$e
-
- The Word - P.R.-mageddon
- As long as Tony Hayward stays the public face of BP, he'll draw the stink off the rest of the company.
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- The Word - P.R.-mageddon
-
- The Word - Flight Risk
- Michael J. Fox interrupts Stephen so they can talk about his new book, "A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Future."
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- The Word - Flight Risk
-
- The Word - Straight to Video
- Lindsey Graham, save your good name and career by releasing a straight sex tape.
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- The Word - Straight to Video
-
- Bonus Word - Defamation of Independents
- William Gheen concludes that Lindsey Graham must be gay if he's negotiating a bipartisan deal on immigration reform.
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- Bonus Word - Defamation of Independents
-
- The Word - Docu-Drama
- If you show the police your ID, they'll stamp your hand that proves you're here legally and allows you to drink free on ladies' night.
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- The Word - Docu-Drama
-
- The Word - No Problemo
- Harassing Latinos with racial profiling isn't an inevitable side effect of Arizona's anti-immigration law -- it's the entire point.
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- The Word - No Problemo
-
- The Word - The Lost Cause
- Every time Southerners try to celebrate Confederate heritage, Yankees ruin it by mentioning the s-word.
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- The Word - The Lost Cause
-
- The Word - Affirmative Inaction
- By giving the real power to the shadow party, the Republicans get to tiptoe around the firing of their first African-American chairman.
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- The Word - Affirmative Inaction
-
- The Word - Bait and Snitch
- Talking to the Obama administration about being gay in the military is against the exact law they are thinking of overturning.
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- The Word - Bait and Snitch
-
- The Word - Forgive and Forget
- If the pope is responsible for a sex abuse cover-up, the Catholic Church needs to reassign him to a religion where nobody knows him.
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- The Word - Forgive and Forget
-
- The Word - Napoleon Blown Apart
- The Republicans may have lost the health care fight, but that sets them up for real victory in November.
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- The Word - Napoleon Blown Apart
-
- The Word - Afghanistan
- The media ignores the war in Afghanistan to cover a much more important story -- Patrick Kennedy's meltdown on Capitol Hill.
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- The Word - Afghanistan
-
- The Word - Define & Conquer
- Republicans know that Americans are more opposed to reconciliation when it's called the "nuclear option."
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- The Word - Define & Conquer
-
- The Word - Kid-Owe
- A new credit website teaches kids how to spend money they don't have on things that don't exist.
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- The Word - Kid-Owe
-
- The Word - Political Suicide
- Republicans were doing such a good job of getting nothing done before Obama invited them to a televised health care summit.
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- The Word - Political Suicide
-
- The Word - Faux 'N' Tell
- If the underwear bomber was weak enough to give intelligence when he wasn't tortured, imagine what he would have said under duress.
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- The Word - Faux 'N' Tell
-
- The Word - Cognoscor Ergo Sum
- Blippy.com posts every purchase you make, and IJustMadeLove.com shows where people had sex.
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- The Word - Cognoscor Ergo Sum
-
- The Word - Siren Song
- Republicans must tie themselves to the mast of their principles in order to sail safely to re-election.
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- The Word - Siren Song
-
- The Word - Ideal or No Deal
- Every time a young Muslim man arrives at the airport, the TSA should respectfully take him aside and give him an involuntary colonoscopy.
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- The Word - Ideal or No Deal
-
- The Word - Honor Bound
- Your honor was so precious to the banks that they bundled it with other people's honor and sold it to Wall Street honor speculators.
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- The Word - Honor Bound
-
- The Word - Two-Faced
- Either there are two completely different Barack Obamas, or conservative pundits are attacking him no matter what he does.
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- The Word - Two-Faced
-
- The Word - Manifest Density
- For the sake of the economy and national pride, Americans have to keep gaining weight.
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- The Word - Manifest Density
-
- The Word - Prece-Don't
- John Roberts has a brilliant legal strategy to get around following precedent: not following precedent.
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- The Word - Prece-Don't
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