-
- Colbert Report: The Word - Statute of Liberty


- If Barack Obama wants people to get the justice they were denied in the past, he should get someone to deny their civil rights now.
- Play
- Add To My Lineup
-
- Colbert Report: The Word - Sweet Smell of Success


- Axe body spray works for awkward teenage males, so it should work for the economy.
- Play
- Add To My Lineup
-
- Colbert Report: The Word - The Audacity of Nope


- If Republicans can't have a perfect bill to stimulate the economy, they'd rather have no economy at all.
- Play
- Add To My Lineup
-
- Colbert Report: The Word - Army of One


- If Republicans do what Rush Limbaugh says, they'll get the only vote that matters: his.
- Play
- Add To My Lineup
-
- Colbert Report: The Word - Loyal Opposition


- The best way for Republicans to win back the trust of the people is to copy the strategy of our enemies.
- Play
- Add To My Lineup
-
- Colbert Report: The Word - The Swede Hereafter


- Stephen wants to copy the Swedish economic model of the Vikings.
- Play
- Add To My Lineup
-
- Colbert Report: The Word - Share the Wealth


- If we're paying for the poor's health care, we need to make sure they stay healthy.
- Play
- Add To My Lineup
-
- Colbert Report: The Word - Locked and Loathed


- Stephen longs for a day when gun owners no longer have to hide their relationship with their concealed weapons.
- Play
- Add To My Lineup
-
- Colbert Report: The Word - Rand Illusion


- Stephen wants to live on an island with the CEOs, hedge fund managers, House Republicans and TV pundits.
- Play
- Add To My Lineup
-
- Colbert Report: The Word - Keeping Our Heads


- Stephen wants CEOs to be stripped naked and locked together in a rusty steel cage in an arena packed with screaming taxpayers.
- Play
- Add To My Lineup
-
- The Word - Fine Line


- The Fine Line is a new index that is just as meaningless as the Dow Jones, but it always goes up.
- Play
- Add To My Lineup
-
- The Word - Morally Bankrupt


- TV has so little societal value that Bill Gates is willing to pay to provide the most cursory positive messages.
- Play
- Add To My Lineup
-
- The Word - Have Your Cake And Eat It, Too


- The Payday Loan Reform Act drags the payday loan industry out of the darkness and into the anemic firefly flicker of nominal oversight.
- Play
- Add To My Lineup
-
- The Word - Stressed Position


- Americans will get justice for torture without making any of the good guys pay the price.
- Play
- Add To My Lineup
-
- The Word - Brunt Double


- Until we can all agree on whom we should be angry at, tearing each other apart is the best plan we've got.
- Play
- Add To My Lineup
-
- Code Word Empathy


- Clearly Obama plans to appoint a drug-addled evolutionist with swine flu.
- Play
- Add To My Lineup
-
- The Word - Captain Kangaroo Court


- Condoleezza Rice and Dick Cheney should have to explain the nuance of their rationale on torture to a jury of children.
- Play
- Add To My Lineup
-
- The Word - Tough Cell


- Instead of putting Al Qaeda terrorists in our neighborhoods, we can send them to Dick Cheney's ranch.
- Play
- Add To My Lineup
-
- The Word - I Know You Are But What Am I?


- If the Republicans really want people to go against the Democrats, they'll need a name that instantly turns people off.
- Play
- Add To My Lineup
-
- The Word - I Do, You Don't


- All marriages shouldn't be equal, but there should be so many separate kinds of marriage that the gays don't feel singled out.
- Play
- Add To My Lineup
-
- The Word - Just Don't Do It


- Teens, sex is as natural as the birds and the bees because you will be stung to death and have your eyes violently pecked out.
- Play
- Add To My Lineup
-
- The Word - Why Are You Here?


- You will all want to remember where you were when you heard Stephen declare victory in Iraq.
- Play
- Add To My Lineup
-
- The Word - Bohemian Grove


- A man has never asked to be considered for membership in Sonia Sotomayor's women's-only club -- until now.
- Play
- Add To My Lineup
-
- The Word - Stonewalling


- Barack Obama will give rights to the gay community once he's done putting it off.
- Play
- Add To My Lineup
-
- The Word - Noncensus


- If Americans stop counting, it will end longstanding problems like the census, the deficit and birthdays.
- Play
- Add To My Lineup
-
- The Word - Ban de Soleil


- The sun is a dangerous, unchecked nuclear power that causes global warming, and it must be put out.
- Play
- Add To My Lineup
-
- The Word - Guns, Credit, and Corn


- The American government can use the defense budget to pay for health care and just turn sick people into a weapons program.
- Play
- Add To My Lineup
-
- The Word - Neutral Man's Burden


- Sonia Sotomayor's personal background should be neutralized the way Band-Aids were when they reached out to minorities.
- Play
- Add To My Lineup
-
- The Word - A Perfect World


- Investigating prisoner abuse will be a political food fight, and that is messier than torture.
- Play
- Add To My Lineup
-
- The Word - He Who Smelt It, Dealt It


- Racism is nothing more than an unpleasant nuisance that is best to ignore, like a fart.
- Play
- Add To My Lineup
-
- The Word - Hippie Replacement


- Soon America's grassroots people-power movements will be rid of the one thing that's holding them back: people.
- Play
- Add To My Lineup
-
- The Word - Must-Be TV


- If pundits want to save America, they have to do what's wrong to prove they're right.
- Play
- Add To My Lineup
-
- The Word - Arch Enemies


- Without Archie to focus on, Betty will have to do something sad like rediscover her own dreams and devote her life to making the world a better place.
- Play
- Add To My Lineup
-
- The Word - Let Freedom Ka-Ching


- Corporations do everything people do except breathe, die and go to jail for dumping 1.3 million pounds of PCBs in the Hudson River.
- Play
- Add To My Lineup
-
- The Word - Allison!


- Stephen falsely remembers Allison Silverman as a terrible person so he can feel better about her leaving.
- Play
- Add To My Lineup
-
- The Word - Blackwashing


- Prevent your valid criticisms of Barack Obama from being unfairly associated with racism by putting on a little blackwashing.
- Play
- Add To My Lineup
-
- The Word - Out of the Closet


- Republicans and Democrats should march in pride parades and proudly announce their relationship with lobbyists.
- Play
- Add To My Lineup
-
- The Word - Learning Is Fundamental


- As a fifth grader and small businessman, Andy Gellman has to think about how longer school hours will affect the economy.
- Play
- Add To My Lineup
-
- The Word - Symbol-Minded


- The cross has nothing to do with Christianity -- it's just the normal symbol of the resting place of the dead.
- Play
- Add To My Lineup
-
- The Word - Don't Ask Don't Tell


- The petition signers who want to overturn the "everything but marriage" bill should be able to stay in the closet that the gay people have abandoned.
- Play
- Add To My Lineup
-
- The Word - You-Genics


- Your baby will never be denied health coverage for being too fat or too skinny if you mate with an insurance company CEO.
- Play
- Add To My Lineup
-
- The Word - The Green Mile


- The rest of America should follow Arizona's lead and replace the long arm of the law with the invisible hand of the market.
- Play
- Add To My Lineup
-
- The Word - Grand Old Pity Party


- Fact checking and opposition research are the same thing to Sarah Palin because she knows the facts are out to get her.
- Play
- Add To My Lineup
-
- The Word - The Money Shot


- If we want to save the U.S. dollar, we should peg it to America's most precious metal of all: lead.
- Play
- Add To My Lineup
-
- The Word - Skeletons in the Closet


- How is the governor of Rhode Island supposed to rest in peace knowing that a couple of plots over two dudes are being gay dead?
- Play
- Add To My Lineup
-
- The Word - Grand Old Purity


- The GOP must put moderate Republicans in situations that reveal their true beliefs, like in the movie "Saw."
- Play
- Add To My Lineup
-
- The Word - Spyvate Sector


- If Congress doesn't reauthorize the Patriot Act, America's corporations are ready to step in.
- Play
- Add To My Lineup