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- Colbert Report: The Word - Statute of Liberty
- If Barack Obama wants people to get the justice they were denied in the past, he should get someone to deny their civil rights now.
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- Colbert Report: The Word - Statute of Liberty
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- Colbert Report: The Word - Sweet Smell of Success
- Axe body spray works for awkward teenage males, so it should work for the economy.
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- Colbert Report: The Word - Sweet Smell of Success
-
- Colbert Report: The Word - The Audacity of Nope
- If Republicans can't have a perfect bill to stimulate the economy, they'd rather have no economy at all.
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- Colbert Report: The Word - The Audacity of Nope
-
- Colbert Report: The Word - Army of One
- If Republicans do what Rush Limbaugh says, they'll get the only vote that matters: his.
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- Colbert Report: The Word - Army of One
-
- Colbert Report: The Word - Loyal Opposition
- The best way for Republicans to win back the trust of the people is to copy the strategy of our enemies.
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- Colbert Report: The Word - Loyal Opposition
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- Colbert Report: The Word - The Swede Hereafter
- Stephen wants to copy the Swedish economic model of the Vikings.
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- Colbert Report: The Word - The Swede Hereafter
-
- Colbert Report: The Word - Share the Wealth
- If we're paying for the poor's health care, we need to make sure they stay healthy.
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- Colbert Report: The Word - Share the Wealth
-
- Colbert Report: The Word - Locked and Loathed
- Stephen longs for a day when gun owners no longer have to hide their relationship with their concealed weapons.
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- Colbert Report: The Word - Locked and Loathed
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- Colbert Report: The Word - Rand Illusion
- Stephen wants to live on an island with the CEOs, hedge fund managers, House Republicans and TV pundits.
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- Colbert Report: The Word - Rand Illusion
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- Colbert Report: The Word - Keeping Our Heads
- Stephen wants CEOs to be stripped naked and locked together in a rusty steel cage in an arena packed with screaming taxpayers.
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- Colbert Report: The Word - Keeping Our Heads
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- The Word - Fine Line
- The Fine Line is a new index that is just as meaningless as the Dow Jones, but it always goes up.
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- The Word - Fine Line
-
- The Word - Morally Bankrupt
- TV has so little societal value that Bill Gates is willing to pay to provide the most cursory positive messages.
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- The Word - Morally Bankrupt
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- The Word - Have Your Cake And Eat It, Too
- The Payday Loan Reform Act drags the payday loan industry out of the darkness and into the anemic firefly flicker of nominal oversight.
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- The Word - Have Your Cake And Eat It, Too
-
- The Word - Stressed Position
- Americans will get justice for torture without making any of the good guys pay the price.
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- The Word - Stressed Position
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- The Word - Brunt Double
- Until we can all agree on whom we should be angry at, tearing each other apart is the best plan we've got.
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- The Word - Brunt Double
-
- Code Word Empathy
- Clearly Obama plans to appoint a drug-addled evolutionist with swine flu.
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- Code Word Empathy
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- The Word - Captain Kangaroo Court
- Condoleezza Rice and Dick Cheney should have to explain the nuance of their rationale on torture to a jury of children.
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- The Word - Captain Kangaroo Court
-
- The Word - Tough Cell
- Instead of putting Al Qaeda terrorists in our neighborhoods, we can send them to Dick Cheney's ranch.
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- The Word - Tough Cell
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- The Word - I Know You Are But What Am I?
- If the Republicans really want people to go against the Democrats, they'll need a name that instantly turns people off.
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- The Word - I Know You Are But What Am I?
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- The Word - I Do, You Don't
- All marriages shouldn't be equal, but there should be so many separate kinds of marriage that the gays don't feel singled out.
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- The Word - I Do, You Don't
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- The Word - Just Don't Do It
- Teens, sex is as natural as the birds and the bees because you will be stung to death and have your eyes violently pecked out.
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- The Word - Just Don't Do It
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- The Word - Why Are You Here?
- You will all want to remember where you were when you heard Stephen declare victory in Iraq.
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- The Word - Why Are You Here?
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- The Word - Bohemian Grove
- A man has never asked to be considered for membership in Sonia Sotomayor's women's-only club -- until now.
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- The Word - Bohemian Grove
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- The Word - Stonewalling
- Barack Obama will give rights to the gay community once he's done putting it off.
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- The Word - Stonewalling
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- The Word - Noncensus
- If Americans stop counting, it will end longstanding problems like the census, the deficit and birthdays.
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- The Word - Noncensus
-
- The Word - Ban de Soleil
- The sun is a dangerous, unchecked nuclear power that causes global warming, and it must be put out.
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- The Word - Ban de Soleil
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- The Word - Guns, Credit, and Corn
- The American government can use the defense budget to pay for health care and just turn sick people into a weapons program.
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- The Word - Guns, Credit, and Corn
-
- The Word - Neutral Man's Burden
- Sonia Sotomayor's personal background should be neutralized the way Band-Aids were when they reached out to minorities.
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- The Word - Neutral Man's Burden
-
- The Word - A Perfect World
- Investigating prisoner abuse will be a political food fight, and that is messier than torture.
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- The Word - A Perfect World
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- The Word - He Who Smelt It, Dealt It
- Racism is nothing more than an unpleasant nuisance that is best to ignore, like a fart.
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- The Word - He Who Smelt It, Dealt It
-
- The Word - Hippie Replacement
- Soon America's grassroots people-power movements will be rid of the one thing that's holding them back: people.
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- The Word - Hippie Replacement
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- The Word - Must-Be TV
- If pundits want to save America, they have to do what's wrong to prove they're right.
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- The Word - Must-Be TV
-
- The Word - Arch Enemies
- Without Archie to focus on, Betty will have to do something sad like rediscover her own dreams and devote her life to making the world a better place.
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- The Word - Arch Enemies
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- The Word - Let Freedom Ka-Ching
- Corporations do everything people do except breathe, die and go to jail for dumping 1.3 million pounds of PCBs in the Hudson River.
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- The Word - Let Freedom Ka-Ching
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- The Word - Allison!
- Stephen falsely remembers Allison Silverman as a terrible person so he can feel better about her leaving.
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- The Word - Allison!
-
- The Word - Blackwashing
- Prevent your valid criticisms of Barack Obama from being unfairly associated with racism by putting on a little blackwashing.
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- The Word - Blackwashing
-
- The Word - Out of the Closet
- Republicans and Democrats should march in pride parades and proudly announce their relationship with lobbyists.
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- The Word - Out of the Closet
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- The Word - Learning Is Fundamental
- As a fifth grader and small businessman, Andy Gellman has to think about how longer school hours will affect the economy.
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- The Word - Learning Is Fundamental
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- The Word - Symbol-Minded
- The cross has nothing to do with Christianity -- it's just the normal symbol of the resting place of the dead.
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- The Word - Symbol-Minded
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- The Word - Don't Ask Don't Tell
- The petition signers who want to overturn the "everything but marriage" bill should be able to stay in the closet that the gay people have abandoned.
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- The Word - Don't Ask Don't Tell
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- The Word - You-Genics
- Your baby will never be denied health coverage for being too fat or too skinny if you mate with an insurance company CEO.
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- The Word - You-Genics
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- The Word - The Green Mile
- The rest of America should follow Arizona's lead and replace the long arm of the law with the invisible hand of the market.
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- The Word - The Green Mile
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- The Word - Grand Old Pity Party
- Fact checking and opposition research are the same thing to Sarah Palin because she knows the facts are out to get her.
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- The Word - Grand Old Pity Party
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- The Word - The Money Shot
- If we want to save the U.S. dollar, we should peg it to America's most precious metal of all: lead.
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- The Word - The Money Shot
-
- The Word - Skeletons in the Closet
- How is the governor of Rhode Island supposed to rest in peace knowing that a couple of plots over two dudes are being gay dead?
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- The Word - Skeletons in the Closet
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- The Word - Grand Old Purity
- The GOP must put moderate Republicans in situations that reveal their true beliefs, like in the movie "Saw."
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- The Word - Grand Old Purity
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- The Word - Spyvate Sector
- If Congress doesn't reauthorize the Patriot Act, America's corporations are ready to step in.
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- The Word - Spyvate Sector
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