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- Colbert Report: The Word - Experience


- Stephen uses his Where-o-Meter to prove that John McCain is where he is.
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- Colbert Report: The Word - AT & Treason


- Call your congressman and tell them you want America to be protected. Call anyone -- the right people will be listening.
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- Colbert Report: The Word - Size Matters


- Stephen invents some new states -- like South Georgiabamasippiana -- to help Obama win the election.
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- Colbert Report: The Word - Mr. Right Now


- Stephen learns to love the less-than-perfect Republican presidential candidate John McCain.
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- Colbert Report: The Word - The Audacity Of Hopelessness


- Don't lose confidence because of Bear Stearns -- lose confidence because it's the right thing to do.
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- Colbert Report: The Word - The Gospel of John


- Stephen thinks Obama could learn something from McCain and his new pastor friends.
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- Colbert Report: The Word - Pick Sicks


- Stephen tries his hand at Oregon's new health care lottery.
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- Colbert Report: The Word - Let The Games Begin


- Stephen has a solution to the controversy surrounding the Beijing Olympic Games.
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- Colbert Report: The Word - Starter Country


- Senators Clinton and Obama, prove that you are ready to run a country -- just not this one.
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- Colbert Report: The Word - Tradition


- Senator Clinton is not an elitist. She respects the American people -- unless they want Obama.
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- The Ed Words - Valued Voter


- In considering who gets his vote, John Edwards is concerned about more than receiving several jet skis for his family -- he'd also like to be a spy.
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- Colbert Report: The Word - Iraq the Vote


- In both Iraq and the election, the goal is democracy, and what's more democratic than a campaign that never ends?
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- Colbert Report: The Word - Kernel of Truth


- To win the energy war, we have to conserve the most important energy -- our own.
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- Colbert Report: The Word - Separation of Church & Plate


- What unites us is our ability to come together as one people and say to one another, "You're not like me."
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- Colbert Report: The Word - Free Gas!


- Stephen announces a bold new initiative: Stephen Colbert's Total Gas Holiday.
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- Colbert Report: The Word - Collateral Friendage


- Stephen recommends that President Bush go crazy so McCain can properly disown him.
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- Colbert Report: The Word - Declaration of Warming


- John McCain believes global warming isn't just about greenhouse gases -- it's a national security issue.
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- Colbert Report: The Word - Jail Sweet Jail


- If you have an extra bedroom, you could be the proud owner/operator of a charming private prison.
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- Colbert Report: The Word - Brushback Pitch


- Little Leaguers aren't just stealing team names from Major League Baseball. Where did they get the idea of using a mitt or wearing a cup?
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- Colbert Report: The Word - Media Culpa


- Media, if you want to prove you did your job well in the lead-up to the Iraq war, use the same techniques that McClellan used to sell the war to you in the first place.
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- Colbert Report: The Word - Unhealthy Competition


- The great thing about the war on terror is that if we fight it right, it can go on forever.
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- Colbert Report: The Word - Oh, The Places You'll Stay


- Sure, Gandhi said, ''You must be the change that you want to see in the world," but he also drank his own urine.
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- Colbert Report: The Word - If At First You Don't Secede


- Critics claim the Confederate flag is racist, but they're just citizens of the Confederacy's longtime rival, the United States of America.
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- Colbert Report: The Word - U.S. Airweighs


- It's embarrassing enough when your doctor tells you to get on the scale, now replace your doctor with a ticket agent.
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- Colbert Report: The Word - Ploy-cott


- Let the other countries boycott the Beijing Olympics, but America has to go.
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- Colbert Report: The Word - Lexicon Artist


- Using language to turn failed policy into ideals that transcend debate is the best way to get people to think of John McCain as transcen-presidential.
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- Colbert Report: The Word - Black and White


- Stephen thinks government handouts are wrong, but he applauds South Africa for lumping ethnic groups together.
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- Colbert Report: The Word - Bleep


- Thank you, George Carlin. Few people have done more to repress what other people can say.
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- Colbert Report: The Word - Priceless


- A human life is 6.9 million dollars. Gaming the system to protect industry from safety regulations: priceless.
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- Colbert Report: The Word - Placebo


- We want to believe that the nothing President Bush is offering is the something we've all been waiting for.
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- Colbert Report: The Word - Fight to the Furnish


- Thank you, Air Force, for using your anti-terror funds to defeat Al Qaeda in style.
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- Colbert Report: The Word - Join the European Union


- If the European Union doesn't let us in, we'll sue them for geographic discrimination.
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- Colbert Report: The Word - Save Ferris


- Our nation's Tilt-A-Whirl operators are feeling the crunch, and not just when the Tilt-A-Whirl collapses on them.
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- Colbert Report: The Word - Divided We Win


- Congressional Republicans should think about making Corinthian columns a wedge issue.
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- Colbert Report: The Word - Catharsis


- You deserve to have Stephen give a speech at the Democratic National Convention.
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- Colbert Report: The Word - Blame Monica Goodling


- Whoever hired Monica Goodling had no way of knowing she would interview employees for the Justice Department in a partisan manner.
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- Colbert Report: The Word - Acid Flashback


- In the fight to keep Barack Obama tied to the 1960s, we have an ally: the dead.
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- Colbert Report: The Word - That's the Ticket


- Sarah Palin needs to choose someone with the kind of credibility and executive leadership John McCain just doesn't have.
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- Colbert Report: The Word - How Dare You?


- John McCain and Sarah Palin are not only saying they won't give answers, they're saying you can't ask questions.
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- Colbert Report: The Word - Powerless


- George W. Bush hasn't failed to catch Osama bin Laden because of errors in judgment, it's because he doesn't have superpowers.
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- Colbert Report: The Word - OhMyGodSocietyIsCollapsing...


- We have to give unchecked financial power to the president and his appointees so they can implement a plan that no one understands.
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- Colbert Report: The Word - Ye of Little Faith


- Being eaten alive by the market is better than admitting the government should have any role.
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- Colbert Report: The Word - Future Perfect


- John McCain is able to get his version of the story out before the press can mangle it with what happened.
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- Colbert Report: The Word - Maverick Without A Cause


- If you want real candidates of change, go with the team that is so committed to a brighter tomorrow they won't discuss what happened yesterday.
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- Colbert Report: The Word - P.O.W.


- After the events of the last eight years, there is no denying the next president will be a POW.
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- Colbert Report: The Word - Freaky Three-Way Calling


- The NSA gets off listening to your private phone conversations.
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- Colbert Report: The Word - Fantasyland


- We cannot let Mickey Mouse vote. He's obviously an Obama supporter.
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- Colbert Report: The Word - It's Alive!


- Conservative intellectuals are the hunks of dead flesh sown into the walking corpse of the Republican Party.
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- Colbert Report: The Word - I Endorse Barack Obama


- Stephen has the courage to cross party lines and go to the one that's got a pretty good shot of winning.
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- Colbert Report: The Word - Change


- Last night we elected a man named Barack Hussein Obama. What part of that doesn't scare you?
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- Colbert Report: The Word - Pity Party


- We are finally starting to hear just how oppressed President Bush has been.
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- Colbert Report: The Word - Love Lost


- This Thanksgiving Stephen is thankful that even in these days of hope and change, we haven't yet taken the next step to peace and love.
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- Colbert Report: The Word - Mad Men


- The free market and religion both have invisible hands and move in mysterious ways.
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- Colbert Report: The Word - A Man Named Plaxico


- Some are calling Plaxico Burress the Rosa Parks of people who have shot themselves in the thigh in a nightclub.
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- Colbert Report: The Word - Barack-Handed Compliment


- Rush Limbaugh isn't the only one who compliments Barack Obama's scheming.
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- Colbert Report: The Word - Season of Giving


- It's time we put aside our differences and help those car companies in need.
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- Colbert Report: The Word - The Unbearable Lightness of Supreme Being


- Christmas really burns atheists up, which they can think of as a preview of their afterlife.
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