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- Kanye West Interrupts Taylor Swift at the VMAs


- Kanye West's attack on Taylor Swift at the VMAs was actually an attack on Stephen.
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- Conservatives Are Back


- Barack Obama's speech on health care reform is so moving it almost fools Lindsey Graham into clapping.
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- Better Know a Lobby - Health Care for America Now


- Richard Kirsch must choose between saving universal health care or an old lady from drowning.
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- World Record for Mexican Insults


- Stephen tries to set his own record for most insults to Mexico in a single nightly news broadcast.
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- Stephen Loses World Record to Lou Dobbs


- Lou Dobbs beats Stephen with the world record for most insults to Mexico in a single broadcast.
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- Body Worlds Plans Cadaver Sex Exhibit


- The Body Worlds exhibit devoted to cadaver sex makes being dead look like too much fun.
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- Figgy Moonpowder


- If David Bowie is going to muscle into Stephen's turf by having a spider named after him, Stephen will introduce his alter ego, Figgy Moonpowder.
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- I's on Edjukashun - Muslim Textbooks & Tony Danza


- Obama indoctrinates America's school children, Tucker Carlson reveals Muslims' influence on textbooks, and Tony Danza teaches high school.
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- Goat Lab


- Stephen resurrects the U.S. military technique of staring at a goat to make its heart explode.
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- Atone Phone - Emmy Awards


- Stephen wants every Jewish member of the television academy to call and beg for forgiveness, which he will then deliver in the form of an acceptance speech.
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- Atone Phone - Jon Stewart Calls to Apologize


- Jon calls 1-888-MOSS-LEW to apologize for not having paid for his bed of moss yet.
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- Lunatic Dictator Accommodations


- Let's put Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and Muammar el-Qaddafi in New York City's finest hotels and drain their national treasuries with mini-bar charges.
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- Tom DeLay Dances With the Stars


- Tom DeLay looked so happy on the floor of "Dancing With the Stars" you'd think he'd just been arrested on charges of corruption.
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- Atone Phone - Larry King Calls


- Larry King apologizes to Stephen for not giving him a chance to explain the terrible scandal that is sure to end his career.
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- Easter Under Attack - Peeps Display


- A woman must take down the marshmallow Peeps display from her apartment door or be evicted.
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- Do, Dump or Marry


- Glamour readers vote to dump Conan O'Brien, do Jimmy Fallon and marry Stephen.
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- Current Events - Trucker, Soccer Mom and Taser X3


- A 76-year-old man is tased five times, a soccer mom is electrically charged in front of her kids, and the new Taser X3 can paralyze three people without reloading.
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- Atone Phone - Last Day of Apologies


- Paul Krugman apologizes for winning the Nobel Prize in Economics, and J.J. Abrams is sorry for making his hidden puzzle too difficult to solve.
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- Spider-Pope


- If the spider crawling on Pope Benedict XVI's face has bitten him, we might soon have the Spider-Pope.
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- A Pace Odyssey


- NASA begins assembling Stephen's treadmill so America's famously fat astronauts can get trim in space.
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- Send Your Medical Bills to Max Baucus


- Senator Max Baucus will pay for your medical bills from the $3.2 million he's received from the health care industry.
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