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- Muammar al-Gaddafi Competes With Charlie Sheen


- Muammar al-Gaddafi tries to grab the limelight back from Charlie Sheen by sitting down with Christiane Amanpour.
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- Senior Moment - Geriatric Porn


- It's time for America's freeloading seniors to turn on the camera and start giving each other the early bird special.
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- Wisconsin Prank Call Bill


- Bill O'Reilly shows violent footage while talking about the Wisconsin protests, and Republicans sponsor a bill that will prohibit prank calls.
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- Eulogy Spot


- Pope Benedict XVI doesn't blame the Jews for Jesus' death, and anti-Obama obituaries give a new voice to America's silent majority.
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- Fox News Suspends Contributors


- Fox News sets a bad precedent by suspending two contributors who might be running for president.
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- Ice Cream Fight With Jimmy Fallon


- The only way to settle the fight between Jimmy Fallon and Stephen is with an ice cream eating contest.
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- Ice Cream Hallucination With Jimmy Fallon


- Jimmy Fallon and Stephen enter into an altered state of butter pe-consciousness so they can learn to be friends.
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- Stephen Wants an iPad 2


- Stephen would be the appiest man in the world if Apple gave him an iPad 2 and a panini press.
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- On Notice/Dead to Me - Mike Huckabee


- Mike Huckabee is On Notice until he says something that will get him unwanted attention on The Colbert Report.
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- America's Next GOP Model


- Every American will sort of remember where they were when Newt Gingrich almost said he might be running for president
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- Art Stephen Up Challenge - Bid on Stephen's Portrait


- Stephen invites average Americans with giant sacks of cash to bid on his portrait, and unveils the latest no-prize-winning entry.
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- Happy Mardi Gras & International Women's Day


- Stephen celebrates women's regrettable self-exposure and their achievements on Mardi Gras Day.
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- Light Bulb Ban


- The socket huggers claim that pigtail bulbs last up to 10 years, but they haven't considered how the efficient lights will affect the joke-telling industry.
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- Light Bulb Ban - Dale Bryk


- Dale Bryk says the new and improved incandescent light bulbs use less energy and will put a dent in the deficit.
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- Charlie Sheen & Fake Rahm Emanuel on Twitter


- Charlie Sheen gets a new gig as Twitter overlord, and the fake Rahm Emanuel is unmasked.
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- Stephen Gives up Catholicism for Lent


- Giving up Catholicism for Lent shows Stephen's devotion to the great religion that he no longer practices.
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- Bench Press


- If every Supreme Court justice had to recuse themselves over a conflict of interest, we would never see John Roberts' NASCAR robe.
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- Bench Press - Anthony Weiner


- Anthony Weiner wants to ensure that the Supreme Court upholds a standard of ethics by asking Clarence Thomas to recuse himself from health care cases.
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- Colbert PAC Ad


- Stephen shows support for Tim Pawlenty's courage to stand next to Scott Walker with a patriotic message.
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- Peter King Understands Violent Radicalism


- Tennessee fights back against Sharia law, and Peter King holds a hearing to investigate radical American Muslims.
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- Newt Gingrich Wants to Screw America


- Newt Gingrich only cheated on his wives because he's so passionate about America.
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- Crisis in the Middle Everywhere - Japan & Libya


- Japan suffers a massive earthquake, and America launches air strikes against Libya.
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- Raging Art-On - Simon de Pury


- Stephen talks to Simon de Pury and checks out the competition at the Phillips de Pury Gallery.
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- Californians Respond to Japanese Disaster


- Californians panic over trace amounts of radiation that might drift 5,000 miles and contaminate their Jamba Juices.
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- Crisis in the Middle Everywhere - CNN And Fox News Fight in Libya


- Fox News and CNN courageously report on the fighting in Libya between Fox News and CNN.
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- Raging Art-On - Art 2


- Stephen sits down with a panel of appraisers to set a price for his portrait and generates buzz at the pre-auction cocktail party.
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- Top News Stories All at Once


- Colonel Gaddafi announces that he's traveling to Iowa to dump seawater on the nuclear reactors.
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- Raging Art-On - Art 3


- Stephen dances to Snoop Dogg with Simon de Pury and offers to personally hang his portrait in the winning bidder's walk-in cocaine closet.
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- Channeled Rage


- The conflict in Libya between CNN's Nic Robertson and Fox News' Steve Harrigan escalates.
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- Bears & Balls - Misery Edition


- CNBC's Larry Kudlow sees the good news in Japan's earthquake, and global food prices skyrocket.
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- Eat, Pray to Eat - Laurie Garrett


- Laurie Garrett explains how biofuels, natural disasters and disease contribute to the global food crisis.
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- Shout Out to Cece Lederer


- Cece Lederer was injured defending her mom from Ultimate Fighting Champion Brock Lesnar.
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- Chaos in Chaonada


- Embattled Prime Minister Stephen Harper orders Mounties to dump cauldrons of boiling maple syrup on marauding bands of rebel Inuit.
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- Maine Squeeze


- Maine Governor Paul LePage removes a pro-labor mural because of its anti-business message.
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- Tip/Wag - Cigarette Tax, Abortion Waiting Period & Bargain Travelers


- New Hampshire cuts its cigarette tax, South Dakota requires a waiting period for abortions, and thrifty terrorists pose a security threat.
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- Turd Sandwich in Libya


- Newt Gingrich proves that leadership isn't about bombing Libya, it's about being consistently against whatever Obama does.
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- Jimmy Fallon Promises a Performance by Stephen


- If Jimmy Fallon raises $26,000 for DonorsChoose by Friday, Stephen will be forced to give the performance of a lifetime.
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- Yahweh Or No Way - Christianity Is Fattening


- Jesus is totally cut, but unfortunately the same cannot be said of his followers.
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- Stephen's Next Religion - Stephen Prothero


- Stephen Prothero helps Stephen find a new faith by describing Quakers, reincarnation and Shakers.
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- Colbert PAC


- If Stephen wants to be a political playa in 2012, like Sarah Palin and Mike Huckabee, he needs a PAC.
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- Colbert PAC - Trevor Potter


- Armed with Trevor Potter's legal advice and the Colbert Nation's support, Stephen decides to start his own PAC.
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- Stephen Practices Rebecca Black's "Friday"


- Thanks to a small minority of people who care about children, Stephen has to sing Rebecca Black's "Friday" on Jimmy Fallon's show.
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- James O'Keefe Asks for Donations


- James O'Keefe asks his supporters to donate to a confessed criminal, attempted boat molester and dildo monger.
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- Madison as Hell


- An activist judge stubbornly insists that Wisconsin's legal system must be obeyed, even if Republicans disagree with it.
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- Congressional Budget Menorah


- Stephen gets out his Congressional budget menorah to mark the eight days until the temporary budget agreement expires.
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- Difference Makers - Roy Den Hollander


- Roy Den Hollander fights for men's rights by striking back at the heart of feminism: ladies night.
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