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- President Obama Mentions Stephen


- If President Obama keeps mentioning Stephen, he'll soon be upgraded to a Selleck mustache.
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- Olympics Wrap-Up - Michael Buble


- Stephen checks in with his Quebecois colleague, Stephane Colbert, and sings both national anthems with Michael Buble.
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- Health Care Marriage Counseling


- Republicans and Democrats are like a husband and wife fighting over whether to have a health care bill baby.
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- President Obama's First Physical


- The results of President Obama's first physical reveal that he is an obese alcoholic with rabies.
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- Jim Bunning Ends Filibuster


- It's hard to be universally reviled as a half-witted, egomaniacal sociopath, but doing the right thing is never easy.
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- Health Care Magic


- Stephen performs magic tricks to show how the Democrats are trying to pass health care reform.
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- Iraqracy


- Iraqi elections let the free market decide the best man for the job -- that's usually the guy giving away free meat.
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- Action Center - Health Care Bill - Ezra Klein


- Ezra Klein explains the reconciliation process that Democrats need to pass health care reform and what Republicans can do to drag it out.
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- Best Foreign-Language Film Category


- The Academy Awards broadcast is the only day of the year you have to give a crap about what a sound editor does.
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- Consumer Alert - Pringles


- Pringles recalls its two best flavors because of potential salmonella contamination: Cheeseburger and Taco Night.
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- Survival Seed Bank


- When you're tilling the earth with a human femur while the sky is raining fire, you'll want a reliable supply of radicchio and mini squash.
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- Non-Sexual Groping


- Stephen and his intern demonstrate how Eric Massa could have non-sexually groped his male staffer.
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- Health Care Vote Information Nerve Center - Charlie Cook


- Charlie Cook believes Democrats are in a classic no-win situation with health care reconciliation.
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- Karl Rove's New Book


- Karl Rove discloses the bombshell that it wasn't him who spread the rumor that John McCain fathered an illegitimate black baby.
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- The Colbert Repoll - Scott Rasmussen


- Scott Rasmussen explains that Americans like the idea of health care reform, but they don't like the bill in Congress.
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- Monkey on the Lam - Florida


- Florida authorities try to capture a monkey with a drug addiction and two Facebook pages.
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- Daylight Savings Time


- If the time totalitarians don't turn the clocks back to where they belong by the first Sunday in November, there will be hell to pay.
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- I Can't Believe It's Not Buddha - Raj Patel


- The power of the Colbert Bump exceeds even Stephen's expectations when rumors speculate that Raj Patel might be the messiah.
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- Barack Joe-Bama


- Barack Obama shows he's an average Joe ready to get down to the hard work of passing health care by rolling up his sleeves.
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- I's on Edjukashun - Texas School Board - Eric Foner


- Eric Foner disagrees with the Texas school board's decision to give students a completely misleading view of history.
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- Thought for Food - Donna Simpson, Le Whif & Cat Litter


- A New Jersey resident strives to be the heaviest woman alive, Le Whif makes inhalable food, and a company turns corn into cat litter.
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- Ireland's Shamrock Shortage


- Stephen finds a shamrock replacement under some grow lights in his neighbor's backyard shed.
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- United States Census 2010


- Stephen reluctantly fills out his census form so the military won't target a Predator drone missile at his house.
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- Glenn Beck Attacks Social Justice - James Martin


- James Martin works with the poor because he believes in capitalism, but he knows it doesn't provide for everyone.
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- Passover Dinner With Elijah


- Stephen buys the most expensive bottle of Manischewitz for his Passover dinner with Elijah.
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- Passover Commercialism


- Jewish families embrace the Christmas spirit of commercialism with "Jewpardy" and the Ten Plagues Finger Puppets.
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- Geriatric Breeding Program


- Stephen will capture and breed the elderly in captivity to save the senior population from vultures.
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- Ricky Martin Is Gay


- Stephen dismissed the rumors that Ricky Martin was gay back when he was a local anchor at WPTS Patterson Springs.
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- Thought for Food - Corn Diapers, Fatty Foods & Jamie Oliver


- Babies can now poop in corn diapers, junk food is addictive, and Jamie Oliver shows American kids how chicken nuggets are made.
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- Easter Under Attack - Peeps Display Update


- John Pineau provides an update on the upcoming trial of a woman evicted for putting marshmallow Peeps on her apartment door.
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- Who's Not Honoring Me Now? - Peabody Awards


- Stephen assumed that once you've won a Peabody, you just keep getting it -- like herpes.
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