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- Colbert Report: Ryan Seacrest's Shark Attack


- Now that the shark has had a taste of Ryan Seacrest, it's only a matter of time before they come looking for Stephen.
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- Colbert Report: Democrats' Five-Week Recess


- The do-nothing Democrats in Congress begin a five-week recess. If they're not passing bills, what is the president supposed to veto?
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- Colbert Report: Canton, Kansas Apology


- Stephen hopes Canton, Kansas accepts his apology because America's real assberg is Canton, South Dakota.
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- Colbert Report: Obama's Energy Plan - Tire Gauges


- To highlight what a charade proper air pressure is, the McCain campaign hands out "Obama Energy Plan" tire gauges.
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- Colbert Report: Starbucks Promotion


- Stephen is selling counterfeit Starbucks receipts for any date you want.
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- Colbert Report: Spanish Audio


- If you were listening to the Spanish audio of tonight's broadcast, Stephen wants to see your green card.
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- Colbert Report: Ignorance History Month


- It is time to honor the contributions that the ignorant have made to America with an Ignorance History Month.
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- Colbert Report: Reading Newsweek


- Stephen is caught reading the latest Newsweek.
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- Colbert Report: Osama bin Laden's Driver Guilty


- Salim Hamdan -- Osama bin Laden's driver -- is convicted in the most historic session of traffic court ever.
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- Colbert Report: Stephen Wants Snacks


- Stephen thanks you for inviting him into your homes, but next time put out some snacks.
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- Colbert Report: Esteban Loves Jorge Ramos


- Esteban Colberto wants Stephen to give Jorge Ramos a big kiss on the mouth.
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- Colbert Report: Canton, South Dakota Apology


- Stephen apologizes for saying South Dakota is North Dakota's dirty ashtray.
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- Colbert Report: Olympic Opening Ceremony


- There's more than a whiff of totalitarianism about the Beijing Olympics, and it started with the opening ceremony.
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- Colbert Report: Unsubstantiated Rumors


- John Edwards' affair was reported in the National Enquirer last October. Why doesn't the mainstream media ever give credence to a single story based on unsubstantiated rumors?
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- Colbert Report: John McCain Steals From Wikipedia


- Wikipedia gets its facts from the American people, which means John McCain is now using the people's voice -- or at least lip-syncing to it.
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- Colbert Report: Stephen's World Record


- No one noticed that last night Stephen shattered the world record for total number of Colbert Reports.
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- Colbert Report: Gold Medals


- Stephen expects everyone to have earned at least one gold medal when he's gone next week.
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- Colbert Report: The 1952 Helsinki Games - The Reindeer Roars


- The 1952 Helsinki Olympic Games aren't really games at all. They're a war.
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- Colbert Report: Jeopardy Shout-Out


- Alex Trebek mangles Stephen's show on "Jeopardy."
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- Colbert Report: Anniversary Pandering


- The Democrats exploit the anniversaries of the 19th Amendment and Martin Luther King's 'I Have a Dream' speech.
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- Colbert Report: Michelle Obama's Speech


- Bill Kristol isn't the only commentator who saw through Michelle Obama's facade of warmth, competence and likability.
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- Colbert Report: Burning Man Festival Confusion


- Stephen confuses footage of the Burning Man festival with the Democratic National Convention.
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- Colbert Report: Stephanie Tubbs Jones Tribute


- Stephen pays tribute to Rep. Stephanie Tubbs Jones by replaying her spin-off: Judge Tubbs.
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- Colbert Report: Repo Man


- Democrats may see the glass as half empty, but the repo men see that you are behind payments on that glass.
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- Colbert Report: Hillary Clinton Supports Barack Obama


- Hillary Clinton is clearly behind the candidacy of not John McCain.
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- Colbert Report: Live From Dynasty


- Stephen proves he's in Denver by showing the intro to "Dynasty."
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- Colbert Report: Stephen's Brownies


- Stephen's brownies didn't turn out the way he wanted.
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- Colbert Report: DNC Formal Roll Call


- In a shockingly spontaneous moment, the New York delegation dramatically ends the roll call.
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- Colbert Report: High Altitude Brownies


- Stephen bakes high altitude brownies, and thanks the folks at the Overlook Hotel for putting them up all week.
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- Colbert Report: Revenge of the Styrofoam Cups


- The Democratic convention is over, so it's time for Stephen to take the Styrofoam cups out of the microwave.
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- Colbert Report: Sarah Palin for VP


- For the first time in America, a woman has reached the highest level of being used as a cheap political ploy.
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